After a long day of visiting with (most of) the Garcia family in Barrie, we decide to take the “gentle” highway, 27, to attempt to avoid any mishaps (or, drunken people on the 401 during the long weekend). The kids are asleep in the back, and Kate and I are listening to the end of a Radiolab. As I slow down to make (literally) the last turn of our 1hr+ drive, we see a jeep on our left, about to make a left turn into our lane in front of us. However, we also see a white car heading towards us in the opposite lane, directly in front of the jeep. As the white car passes the jeep, the jeep drives directly into the passenger side door of the white car, which skids towards us into our lane and stops. We were almost stopped because we were about to turn right, but if we had been continuing on, the white car probably would have skidded into us.
Kate: “Holy crap”
Me: “...really?!”
I finish that right turn and pulled over. Kate and the kids (still asleep and oblivious to what happened) stay in the car. I go over and ask if everyone is OK; a young (maybe 19-year-old?) girl pops out of the jeep (“oh my god I am sooooo sorry”) and a middle-aged guy is surveying the damage to his car. They both say they are fine. I tell the man that I saw what happened and can give him my name and number if he needs it. He obliges. The girl states “I don’t have my insurance with me” and walks down the road. The man writes down the jeep’s license plate. At this point I decide there isn’t much for me to do so I leave and take the family home.
We pull into our parking spot in the alley and hear Eminem blasting and female voices attempting to rap. Apparently our teenage neighbour is having a party in the backyard. He’s a nice kid - he asks everyone to be quiet and turns the music off so we can walk by with the kids. Once we get upstairs and settled I decide that I should go back and make sure the man isn’t screwed over by the girl in the jeep. I did not regret this decision...
I walk up to the exact same scene I left 15 minutes earlier. Both cars are in the middle of the intersection, forcing traffic to slowly divert into the bike lanes to pass by. I advise them to move their cars. At this point a bus has stopped completely and has its hazard lights on, adding to the traffic. The man chooses to ignore me and the girl “can’t find her car keys” in her giant expensive brand-name purse. She finally finds her keys, and her phone, and decides to try to call the cops and attempt to start her car at the same time. With a sigh of “not a good idea” I offer to call the cops for them. Now with the cops on the way, I wait at the side of the road.
That’s when I meet Larry. Larry is an older gentleman with short grey hair, who is calmly smoking his cigarette and watching the events pass by. We chat a bit about what we saw.
Me: “It’s funny that we drove all the way from Barrie and almost got into a head-on collision a block from home”
Larry: “You from Barrie? My son’s in Barrie”
*insert small talk about Barrie*
The first car arrives at the scene: a tow truck. They’re like scavengers. He was going way too fast with his flashing lights going, and stops dead in the middle of the road. An eager-looking goatee-toting 20-something-year old guy jumps out: “Is everyone OK? Are you OK?”...clearly an alpha. Then he stops as if to think “this is my chance!” and decides to take charge of the situation. He scurries back to his truck to collect a fluorescent vest and a flashlight. Channelling his inner Chris Farley (picture Tommy Boy with a flashlight trying to direct traffic), he motions to the bus. The bus driver bluntly shakes his head “no”. Defeated, he turns off his flashlight and takes off his vest.
That’s when, let’s call him, Glen, walks by. About the same age as Larry and not as well-kept: long grey hair past his shoulders and an ever-receding hairline, wearing sweatpants clearly past their prime. He has a look about him that I can only describe as “crazy eyes”.
Glen: “Hey Larry what’s going on here?”
Larry: “Just a bit of a mess”
Glen: “Oh ya...” as he slows his stride and closely watches the cops arrive
Larry: “Is Bobby still at the bar?”
Glen: “Um yup they’re still there...Uh....I got to get going, this beer in my pocket is starting to fizz up”
I glance down at his pants and see foam coming out of his pocket and a slowly growing wet spot forming underneath.
The cops are taking statements from the two involved in the accident. The second tow truck arrives. He parks managing to block the only open lane in the intersection, and gets out of his truck. Another goatee. Noticing that the other tow truck driver is talking to the man involved in the accident, he takes the opportunity to make his way towards the young girl and her car and try to claim his prey.
As we stand there, Larry looks over and suddenly looks shocked.
Larry: “Holy shit, I know the girl”
Me: “You do? How?”
Larry: “She dated my son for a while. Poor girl doesn’t have a chance, she’s a horrible driver. She couldn’t parallel park to save her life. The other day she came up to me and gloated ‘Im going to be on a reality show!’”
Me: “Oh ya? Which one?”
Larry: “Canada’s Worst Driver! The new season! I swear, look it up, you’ll see her”
Me: “That’s fitting”
Larry: “You know what’s worse? Her dad’s a pilot!”
Me: “I...can’t even...the irony...”
At this point I see my opening to talk to one of the cops - he takes my name and number - and it’s getting late. I say bye to Larry and head home.
Half way down the dark alley I realize the short cut is a bit sketchy but I continue anyways. Closer to home I hear rustling in the bushes and two teenagers from the earlier backyard party scurry out, slightly adjusting their clothing. I shake my head in parental disapproval. They hurry back to the backyard. I ponder how to not make it look like I’m a random guy emerging from the shadows and following them home, as I follow behind them into the backyard. They’re spooked slightly but quickly remember they had seen me walk by earlier. I head upstairs to bed.
Me: “Kate, have I got a story for you...”
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